Dear Susan: After 15 Years, My Church Kicked Me Out Because I’m Gay!

I have to admit that I am losing patience. To stand at the church door and block someone from entering because they are gay – or for any reason – is indefensible. What do you have to believe about God, about Jesus, about the Bible to do that and think that you are actually doing the right thing, doing what God wants you to do, doing what Jesus would do.

But it happens all the time.

People who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender are forbidden to attend churches where they and their families have served for decades. And if the families stand with their child, they are kicked out too.  All in the name of Jesus.

It is no wonder that so many people want nothing to do with the church anymore. It is no wonder that so many are turning away from Christianity.

My husband Rob sees it a different way… he sees them turning away from the lies, the fear, the behavior focus teaching they call “christianity” and turning to the truth of the Bible, the truth of God’s heart, the truth of the teachings of Jesus – which have very little in common with much of what is going on in today’s non-affirming church.

And that’s a good thing.

A lot of people contact me when their church has kicked them out – because they are LGBTQ or because their child is LGBTQ. It breaks my heart every time. I want to share one of those with you today.

I write Dear Susan posts most every Friday. Sometimes they are poignant, sometimes thought-provoking, sometimes tender, sometimes funny… but hopefully always worth the read.

Dear Susan,

Today my church send gave me a letter to inform me that they do not accept my lifestyle of being gay…I have been a member for almost 15 years and 2 years ago I decided to tell them about who I am because I was tired of hiding myself…so for the last 2 years I almost for the first time felt accepted.  Today I felt betrayed – after 2 years of almost believing that I was accepted for the first time – I was completely rejected. I know you get many of these letters and I know you have supported many with same struggle. I just needed to share this with someone who understands the battles, as this is my first time I am being pushed aside – just for being truthful about myself









. – Louise


Oh Louise,

I’m dreadfully sorry for your situation. Yes, I get letters like this, and it breaks my heart every time. And this is the body of Christ?? So sad. Maybe you saw this post  — it’s a letter my friend wrote so beautifully to her church – it may be a good place to start if you still want to communicate with them.

I’m brokenhearted about these things. Rob said they don’t deserve you. Then he said, “I assume the stoning of the adulterers and disobedient children is happening next week?” The hypocrisy, the false teaching, the lack of love and grace… they do not reflect Jesus in this – not at all.

So, I will pray for a place that really fits you, where you can really be at home. You might also look at our resources page for help in finding an affirming church.

(big sigh)

My heart just aches and I want you to know that this has NOTHING to do with you, and everything to do with them operating out of fear, and maintaining their box. Their comfortable paradigm.

You are beautiful and wonderfully, perfectly created. You are strong and bold and brave and committed to living true to yourself, without hiding.  God delights in you, as you are, for who you are. It is such a shame that your church can’t see that. You are such a blessing.

I know you are hurting Louise, and I am sad for you. I wish you could be here and come to our church where they love and embrace you. That’s what you deserve, and that’s what the church is meant to provide.

Much love to you.

Susan