Closing the Veil

Despite the evocative title, this has nothing to do with death or the other side/other world, though it does deal with loss of another kind.

Back in 2012 I was given ownership of the Pagan Veil, a social network for the Pagan and Occult Community with a slight Aussie focus.  Four years on and I am avoiding even looking at my own website – because one of those times I look at it, will be the last time and I don’t know exactly when that will be.  Sometime in the next couple of days.

The Pagan Veil is hosted by Ning/Mode Media.  And they have dropped the ball so bad in the past couple of years that our websites have been undergoing fatal and minor errors on an almost daily basis.  This, combined with the lack of interest in forums nowadays, has forced me to admit that spending my money to keep the site open is something I can no longer justify.  Sure, it’s only $25 USD or up to $40 AUD per month, but that’s still two tins of formula for my daughter or 3 books for my homeschool.

I feel awful about it, not just because I love the Veil but because I love my members and I know many of my members love the site – even if they have lost interest this past year (mostly my own fault).  Even though the Veil has never been a huge site, with an average of 2000 members at any one time, I have always seen it as the best of the lot out there – because I am a spectacular admin.  Well, I used to be.  I promoted diversity, encouraged debate but didn’t allow aggressiveness and jerkishness – hells I even encouraged members to complain about my behaviour if they felt it was needed.

We had some really great discussions, ones that promoted deep thinking, such as What Do the Gods Get Out of it?  asking us to really think about why the Gods would even bother with us.  We’ve had light discussions, 101 discussions and even some horrible ones – like the Huntwitch debacle that led to a bunch of members attacking each other because, “Real Pagans don’t hurt animals and would never hunt dammit!” despite the existence of such deities as Artemis… you know… The Huntress.

I have made some great friends around the world, including one who frequents the comments here on Patheos Pagan – hi Woods!  I have doubted the worth of Paganism when confronted by vampire-fairy hybrids – yet being a good admin who follows her own rules, welcomed them and never let them know my feelings.  I have seen the best in people, and even been kind of instrumental in peoples lives in big ways – without the Veil there are two people who maybe never would have met and so never would have married!

I have learned so much and have had my assumptions and misconceptions blown apart, which is always a good thing.  I have helped people learn, helped people grow, helped them think, helped them see what Paganism really is (or isn’t, Not a Real Pagan tells you what I mean).  And they have done the same for me.  I have changed peoples minds and beliefs, and they have changed mine – so anyone who says that debate isn’t worth it, is denying reality.

So letting it all go, saying goodbye, writing that discussion last week telling everyone the Veil is closing, denying acceptance to all the people trying to join the site and closing the site to public view – it’s hard, sad, painful even.  But sometimes you have to do things you hate.  Sometimes you have to let go of the things you care about.

And let the veil close.