When Nearly A Year Goes By

When Nearly A Year Goes By May 23, 2017

I’ve tried to write since July. I really have. But I couldn’t. I’m writing now, but just barely. The words are swimming in my head, but my time and heart is divided in numerous ways.  The time to sit and type is such a novelty that I hardly know how I can even be sitting and typing at this very moment.

I should probably be sleeping.

Or emptying the dishwasher.

Or making a plan for dinner.

But I have to push the words out. Because it has been too long.

Let’s start where we left off.

I had a baby! She’s perfect, and amazing. More on her later. 

But I was pregnant all of last summer and fall, and there was a sticky election process. The combination of the two put me in a writer’s block I couldn’t pull myself out of until now–6 months after both having a baby, and the election.

franmomhospital

The pregnancy part is understandable enough. Pregnancy is all-consuming for me. I cannot do anything but think about pregnancy and everything it entails for months on end. It’s exhausting. When pregnant, all interests, hobbies, and goals go to the back burner. I pretty much function as a baby-grower, and that’s it. I envy women who feel sharp and powerful during their pregnancies.

You rock in a big way. Keep being awesome.

The election part is more tricky. It was easy to get sucked into election coverage well before the primaries. If pregnancy was consuming, the election was at least a small distraction. Or, let’s be honest. A big distraction. But what started as a distraction and a desire to stay informed turned quickly into something more cynical.

Everyone was talking about the election. Bloggers were writing about the election, and social media was in cahoots. I became disappointed in many bloggers for their abrasiveness. When their approach was called out by readers, some became downright nasty.

Did I even want to be associated as a blogger? Did I have a thick enough skin for it?

I could have written about topics other than politics, and I tried. But it felt forced and artificial. I felt like the reader would see through me, because it was obvious what was going on in the political world, and how much it impacted the blogging and Catholic world. My refusal to acknowledge it, and instead write about my ho-hum life would have seemed, at the time, weak.

Each day would pass with more edgy and inflammatory articles posted, and it disrupted my peace. If I wasn’t going to dive in the fight of attacking or supporting a candidate, or make it my goal to berate everyone who disagreed with my views, then I needed to stop wasting my emotional energy on something I had little control of.

So I walked away.

It was a good decision.

As it turns out, I had Bebe the day before the election, and I voted from my hospital bed. As the world continues in craziness, I at least get a beautiful baby to keep me grounded on where to focus my heart and faith.

There is a lot I still want to say, and I want to still find my voice among the Patheos channel. When first given this opportunity, I gave myself the idea that my old blogging ways weren’t the way to go, and that instead I needed to be constantly clever, funny, and apologetically authoritative.

But the truth is that I’m only clever sometimes, and funny on occasion. It’s not in my nature to be combative, and I certainly won’t bring my arguments online. So, why did I think I needed to be a copycat blog, and join the ranks of commentary?

I really don’t know.

So I’m not going to attempt to do that anymore.

Instead, I’m returning to what I know I can do, and what I did for 10 years with a lot of fun readers; write about our life, and share when I mess up.

I’ll share all about baby girl next week. More than you ever asked to know. I’m an over-sharer like that.

Peace!

Mallory


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