Got Milk? Beer? And, oh, now cut that out!

Back in the summer of 1980, I sold books door-to-door for the Southwestern Book Company. My territory was northern Wisconsin. In Antigo, by chance, I met a fellow named Bill Kawalski (not his real name). Bill was wild about Jesus. He was some sort of regional rep for Campus Crusade for Christ. He also had about 400 ski-mobile trophies. Put it this way, he was a local star.

On my way to becoming Anglican, I wasn’t particularly into the guitar-strumming, hand-holding, testimonial-type-stuff. But, Bill was a nice guy and we formed a friendship. He liked to ride a ten-speed and would often loan me one and we’d go riding through the Wisconsin countryside. All this kept leading up to two events. The first was a prayer meeting at his house with about 30 other teens & twenty-somethings. I survived. The other was: Bill and I went bar-hopping.

Now, before you get the wrong idea, Bill didn’t drink. Rather, as I observed on our only outing, he would walk into a bar … heads would turn, lots of greetings, and he would then belly-up. Since he was a regular, the bartender already knew what Bill wanted. Even though I rarely drink it, in every bar I said, “I’ll have the same.” MILK. Yep, Bill would order a glass of milk and talk about the Lord for about 30 minutes in each bar. He was, as I said, of local fame and well liked. I must admit, to me, our first stop seemed kinda hokey. If you know Wisconsin, you know that it doesn’t require much travel to go from one bar to the next. We hit quite a few that night, on our ten-speeds … all milked up.

Naturally, when I hear of “bar ministry” I think of that story.

But Mollie asks: Got Beer?

As for this next “specialized ministry” … Y’all, I just don’t know.

Here’s an excerpt from an AP wire story:

RIVERSIDE, Calif. – Heather Veitch is not your typical evangelical Christian.

The 31-year-old married mother of two visits one strip club a month, paying for lap dances so she can talk to the strippers about God.

The Web site for the ministry she formed with two other women – JC’s Girls Girls Girls – features glamour shots of the three that were taken by a porn film director.

The three attend porn conventions, where they pass out Bibles wrapped in T-shirts that read Holy Hottie.

HT THUNDERSTRUCK

For what it’s worth, the “former” porn star’s pastor — whose church, Sandals Church of Riverside, is contributing $50,000 to her ministry this year — said:

“What good would it do to send the ‘church lady’ to an erotica convention?” Brown said. “She’s going to get laughed out of the building.”

Veitch [the “former” porn star] doesn’t think the women [current porn stars] should have to quit their jobs before entering a church.

“What we say to that is, ‘Do we ask gluttons to stop eating too much before they come to church?’ ” Veitch said. “Sin is sin.”

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(I’m thinking, I’m thinking …)

I don’t know what ever happened to my pal, Kawalski. He’d be knocking on 50 by now. But, old-fashioned sensibilities lead me to conclude that if gals like Heather had ever encountered guys like Bill … well, they’d be a lot better off. I don’t think they frequented the same clubs. More than that, I’m not sure they believe[d] the same things.

I think I’ll go have a glass of milk.