Orthodixie
Ladies and Gentlemen, as you may know, I have Hollywood connections. I participated in Sony’s interactive media campaign when they launched the Da Vinci Dialogue to promote Tom Hanks in the screen version of Dan Brown’s blockbuster. (Updated audio version of that piece here.) And, as a recent blog commenter noted, I — ahem — borrowed from the title of an earlier work (starring Jack Nicholson on the screen) when I wrote One Flew Over the Onion Dome.
So it was no surprise to me when I received a call from none-other-than funny man Ben Stiller — who is pitching the movie version of One Flew to a major Tinsel Town interest.
Seems that Stiller wants to star in the film version of One Flew Over the Onion Dome … he wants to play the naive seeker who is trying to get into the Orthodox Church.
Jack Nicholson has been tagged to play the crotchety old Orthodox Priest (nationality yet to be determined, maybe Greek) … and Tom Hanks is set to play the well-meaning but bumbling Convert (Retread) Priest.
At first I was dubious, but then Stiller sent me some pages from the script (which, at the moment, uses the actor’s real names).
This scene takes place at a wedding rehearsal gathering with multiple clergy of various jurisdictions present:
FR TOM: “Yeah, I learned early on: When you go to a Convert’s house to do a house blessing — they have so many icons on the walls, all the walls, that you have to ask, ‘Where is the icon corner?'”
SEEKER STILLER: (Laughs)
FR JACK: (In those famous gravelly Nicholson tones) “Oh yeah, funny guy? Well what do you encounter when you go to bless a Greek’s house?
FR TOM: “Oh! That’s easy! You have to take your own icon!”
SEEKER STILLER: (Falls out of his chair laughing!)
FR JACK: (Without smiling or blinking.) “Oh, that used to be true. But not any more …”
FR TOM: “Oh really? You people got icons now?”
FR JACK: “Yeah … we try to stay abreast of the latest trends.”
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He promised to send more later. I told him other script ideas might be found in the Comments.
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