Bar Hopping with Jesus

It’s that time again when I need to dig into the Orthodixie Mailbag.

This letter, a bit on the creative side, comes from Sonny in Toledo. He raises some serious concerns and issues – and, frankly, I don’t have all the answers.

[Feel free to comment on the blog.]

Dear Fr Joseph,

I hope you will permit a bit of creativity on my part, but I’m new to Orthodoxy and am really, really thirsty – “water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink” as they say …

Let me explain: I went out to a bar with Jesus. Like me, Jesus is a convert and has been a great help in my journey.

Anyway, I was out drinking with him one night when I saw a bottle on the shelf that looked to my liking. I could barely make out the label on the bottle, but was intrigued by it.

I said, “I’ll have a shot of that please.”

Jesus said, “No.”

I stared at the odd label on the bottle: a ladder with some climbers, our Lord, and some demons.

I looked back at Jesus and the queer look on my face elicited this response:

“That,” he said, “is an old bottle from nearly 1400 years ago. It’s too strong for you.”

“Whaddya mean?!” I said — “Look, how long have you known me? You know I can hold my Spirits!”

“It’s not that,” Jesus said, “It’s just that … well, you know … you might need to stick with more of the Starter Stuff.”

“Oh come on!” I was incredulous. “I’ve been drinking Gillquist, Hopko, Ware, FM-G, a little bit o’ Carlton, a dab of Vlachos …

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