Are Single People the Lepers of Today’s Church?

There are the well-meaning ladies who ask you about your husband and children and, when you say you don’t have any, suddenly run out of things to say to you. There are the women’s Bible studies scheduled on weekday mornings, because aren’t all church women married homemakers? There are the sermons and activities directed exclusively at families. There are the pastors who fault the single men for not getting married, even if they’ve tried, and who seem to think that singles are marked out for some terrible fate.

There are the Christians who tell you that life doesn’t start until you’re married. Or that you can’t really understand what love is because you’re single and childless. Never mind that this goes directly against the Christian faith, which teaches that God is the source of all love and that everyone — regardless of marital status! — can know that love.

Churches are so committed to the idea of a family-centered church that they’re just not sure how to handle rising rates of singleness.

There are the people who talk about singles in the church as a problem. There are the people who say you’re “too picky” if you have any standards at all. There are the people who hint that you couldn’t get a spouse because you’re not spiritual enough or because God is trying to punish you for something. And then there are my favorites: the people who helpfully point out that there’ll be no one to look after you in your old age. (Thanks for reminding me once again of that topic that has so often kept me lying awake into the small hours!)

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