Rhetoric Race and Religion
I am a single, saved, 40-something woman who is waiting until marriage to have sex. And yes, I think about having sex at least a hundred times throughout the day.
According to most mainstream media, being divorced and in my forties leaves me with a very slim chance of finding someone to spend my life with in holy matrimony. Though I try very hard not to take to heart most things I hear or read from the media, it is terrifying to think that I may never get to have sex again—at least not if I want to honor my commitment to the faith I proclaim to follow.
As a Christian woman, waiting to have sex until after I am married is something that is very important to me. However, my body is at its sexual peak in my forties, and has something entirely different to say on the matter.
I am not a nymphomaniac, but I’m also no cold fish. And with the slim romantic prospects I’ve encountered lately, I see no relief from my perpetual state of arousal, coupled with a deep guilt because my thoughts are of a sexual nature more often than not.
My dilemma is how do I reconcile my religious beliefs with my desire to have an orgasm that isn’t self-initiated? For some Christians, the fact that I’m even saying these things is enough to have me cast into purgatory along with all the other amoral and lustful women who have ever walked the earth. I truly desire to wait on my husband to find me, sweep me off my feet and make love to me throughout my sexual prime time. But the fact is, the thought of engaging in pre-marital sex is tempting and, unfortunately, most churches do not equip you—at least in my opinion—to deal with sexual longing, especially if you’ve previously experienced the joy of a fulfilling sexual relationship.
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